Bernstein Leonard - "Pass The Football" lyrics

Betty Comden and Adolph Green music by Leonard Bernstein LOOK AT ME NOW, FOUR YEARS OF COLLEGE, FAMOUS PROFESSORS TUTORING ME; FOOD AND VACATIONS, SCHOLARSHIP KID, ALL OF IT FREE. EVERYTHING PAID FOR, DAY THAT I LEFT, EVERYONE GATHERED, THEIR CHEERING STILL RINGS IN MY EARS . . . RAY WRECK RAH! RAH WRECK! RAH WRECK RAY! WRECK RAH! RAH WRECK WRECK! W-E-C, R-E-K, R-E-Q, WRECK, WE LOVE YOU! LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN! CAUSE I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL COULDNT SPELL A LICK, COULDNT DO ARITHMETIC; ONE AND ONE MADE THREE, THOUGHT THAT DOG WAS C-A-T, LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. BUT I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL COULDNT WRITE MY NAME, NEVER LEARNED TO READ COULDNT TRANSLATE JE VOUS AIME, MOTHER GOOSE OR ANDR GIDE, LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. BUT I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL COULDNT FIGURE RIDDLES, PUZZLES MADE ME POUT: WHERE THE HELL WAS MOSES WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT' I COULDNT EVEN TELL RED FROM GREEN, GET THOSE VERBS THROUGH MY BEAN, BUT I WAS BUDDIES WITH THE DEAN LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. PASSED WITHOUT A FUSS ENGLISH LIT AND CALCULUS. NEVER HAD TO CRAM, EVEN PASSED THE BAR EXAM, LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. BECAUSE I PASSED THAT FOOTBALL COULDNT DANCE FOR BEANS, MASHED MY GIRLS TO SMITHEREENS. SOMETIMES BLOOD WAS SPILLED, STILL MY CARD WAS ALWAYS FILLED, CAUSE I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. ALBERT EINSTEIN CAME TO SPEAK: THEN THERE WAS THE WEEK RELATIVITY! GUESS WHO INTRODUCED HIM' ME! CAUSE I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. HAD NO TABLE MANNERS, ALWAYS DRUNK THE WATER FROM THE FINGERBOWL. USED TA DUNK MY ROLL, THOUGH I WOULD NOT GET UP FOR ANY SHE, THE PREXYS MOM -- AGE NINETY-THREE -- GOT UP AND GAVE HER SEAT TO ME, LIKE NOTHIN YOU DID EVER SEE. THERES A STATUE WITH MY NAME. IN OUR HALL OF FAME, THERE WE STAND, BY HECK, LINCOLN, WASHINGTON AND WRECK. CAUSE I COULD PASS THAT FOOTBALL LIKE NOTHIN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!