Half Man Half Biscuit - "All I Want For Christmas Is A Dulka-Prague Away Ki" lyrics

Thanks to adam.west@franklin.ac.uk for correcting these lyrics. There was one in a gang, Who had Scalextric, He thought he was better than you. Everyday after school, And because of that, You'd go around there to play it, And it always took about 15 billion hours to set the track up. Hoping to compete for some kind championship, And even when you did, the thing never seemed to work. It was a dodgy transformer, again and again. A dodgy transformer, again and again. It was a dodgy transformer, again and again. A dodgy transformer, cost 3 pounds 10. Up the stairs with the stepladder, So he sent his doting mother To get the Subbuteo, Out of the loft. He had all the accessories, The crowd and the dugout, Required for that big-match atmosphere. And the floodlights, too. And you'd always get palmed off With a headless center-forward, And a face like his. And a goal-kicker with no arms, And he'd managed to get hold of A Dukla-Prague Away Kit, His uncle owned a sport shop And he'd kept it to one side. You'd be down to ten men, And after only five minutes Come to half-time, you were losing, four-nil. Because he'd sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger. Each and every goal, a hotly disputed penatly. So you smash up the floodlights And the dog would bark And the game was abandoned, And your travelling army And you'd be banned from his house. Of synthetic supporters Would be taken away from you And thrown in the bin. And now he's working Every two weeks. In a job with a future. He hands me my Gyro (as in gyroscope, not "hero") And me, I'm on the lookout For a proper transformer. Uh'!